Previously on Greek:
I know who started the fire. I did. But it was an accident.
- Maybe someday you'll forgive me. - For burning down my house?
The all-Greek softbalt tournament is this weekend
Since we're partnering with a fraternity,
I'm ready to meet a fun new guy.
- Who is the lucky girl? - Uh, Rebecca.
We can go for a coffee or a movie or something simple.
Who knows, maybe after coffee it'll be love at first sight.
You're Casey Cartwright. You can do anything you want.
That's how I know you're gonna go to Washington and be amazing.
- What about... - Graduation?
You'll never leave here.
I don't think I can be anywhere that didn't have you.
So how did we get here, my peeps?
How did Saint Valentine's beheading
lead to some whacked holiday about love?
A-How.
Chaucer.
- Joshuurr? - For reals.
According to Chaucer,
Valentine wrote a love-letter, signed "From your Valentine,"
that the greeting card companies have turned into
a billion-dollar-a-year industry.
Cards for grandpas,
for dogs, there are even cards for people who don't buy cards.
Probably because they're too cheap.
David... But I digress. We'll pick this up next week.
Don't believe the hype.
Professor Clarissa sure has it in for Valentine's Day.
Why can't she celebrate with her friends?
That's what I'm gonna do.
- How do you know her fries? - I mean my friends.
It's still a great holiday
even though I've never actually celebrated with a girl
- besides my mom. - Well, that's the spirit.
So who's the lucky...
...friends. Your brothers?
No, they all have dates to our "Shot through the heart" party.
Mmm...
And Calvin has Grant. Cappie and Casey.
- Dale? - No.
He's taking that retainer girl
to a party his church is hosting.
The theme is "Celibate good times, c'mon".
- Which leaves me one friend... - Oh, thank God.
'Cause being alone on Valentine's Day would suck.
Oh. Um...
I am going
to the Omega Chi Date Dance with this guy, Pete.
We've only been dating, like, two weeks, but,
he hasn't shown any Fisher-like behavior, so...
- Sorry. - It's OK.
Because this year, no matter what anyone says,
I'm going to have the best Valen-time ever.
Wow!
Nice.
The Cupid Range is a good start, pledges,
but I want to see a lot of foofy decorations
to get our dates in the mood. Lacy hearts and other crap.
And a keg of premium beer, too.
- Got it. - Fancy.
- Is this the KT house? - It's Valentine's Day.
And since it's our first one since freshman year,
I thought I could get you something special.
- Like you did freshman year? - Exactly.
What happened?
Your gift to me was a bottle of vodka.
Which you drank and promptly puked up. Remember?
Actually, I don't remember anything from that night,
I'll take your word for it.
I just don't want a repeat of freshman year.
Then I will humbly request a do-over,
because I'm going to get you the greatest gift ever.
That's OK, Cap.
You're just not a, you know,
box of chocolates and roses kind of guy.
- Like Evan? - Not just Evan.
You're saying I'm your worst boyfriend ever?
- That's not what I meant. - Yes, it is.
But you're thinking of old drunk vodka Cappie.
Not the new and improved Cappie with V-Day Kung Fu grip.
OK, well, what's the new action figure Cappie do?
He gets you the most romantic gift of your entire life,
and then dances on the graves of Valentines past.
OK then, Kung Fu-Valentine-Cappie...
I guess everyone deserves a second shot.
Ow. [giggles]
Yeah. Good shot.
Sync by fant0m www.addic7ed.com
- Grant? What's going on? - [buzzing]
[Grant] Nothing, just give me a minute.
- [thudding] - [grunts]
[Calvin] What... the hell?
You're not supposed to be home yet.
My class was canceled.
I didn't mean to walk in on this.
I'm bleaching my hair for our date party.
Something I've always wanted to do ever since I came out.
The strip's for the pores... And, uh...
The trays are for teeth whitening...
And the newspaper? Wait, I don't really want to know.
I'm shaving my chest and my neck.
And a little bit off the top of my feet.
Good to know, Frodo.
I can't do this in the communal bathroom.
It's way too embarrassing.
So... We don't have separate rooms, and...
No, I get it. I'm just gonna let you get some priva...
[razor buzzing]
[Katherine] Now, there are only 60
Valen-Titan Bears left for our Children's Hospital fundraiser,
so I want us all to work very hard to find these little guys a home, OK?
No one wants to be alone on Valentine's Day, right, Mr. Teddy?
Lastly, if any of you do not have Valentine's Day plans,
you are welcome to join me
for single ladies' chocolate fondue in Pierson's Hall.
Anyone?
OK.
Dismissed.
Hi, Katherine.
- Yes, ZBZ? - Yes, hi. So, I was thinking
I could volunteer to sell the rest of the Valen-Titan Bears myself.
- To help you out? - That won't be necessary.
- But you just said we... - No. I've got it. Thank you.
Oh. Are those from Pete?
I'm only supposed to serve food,
not pick up deliveries from your would-be paramours.
That's right, run to it, you succubae.
So who's the most loved this year?
You are, of course.
By Cappie.
- He told me a... - OK.
Hey, Ash.
I just came from a Panhel meeting with Katherine.
She still hates me, made worse by the fact
that she's spending Valentine's Day alone.
Which is why I have to find her a date.
No, you don't.
What if you set her up on a bad date?
- Beaver, anyone? - We burned down her house,
it couldn't get much worse. But if I find her an awesome guy,
then she will totally appreciate me and we can be friends again.
So who do we know, who do we know?
That's not taken?
No one.
Oh, wait! Wait...
- Rusty does not have a date. - I think he's OK with it.
Mom sends him conversation hearts though.
- Who else? - No, think about it.
Katherine and Rusty are both Greeks.
They are both smart and awkward.
Maybe their shared oddness could cancel each other out.
Yay.
I haven't even agreed with you yet.
No. It's my invite from Pete.
"You caught my eye." Aw! Get it?
Because we met at the Greek softball game.
It's a good thing he's rich because that's lame.
[Casey?] Oh, and here comes Evan.
- I wonder what he got you. - [Evan] Hey.
It's a little buddy.
And he wants to know if you'll go to our date party with me.
Please tell me you're kidding.
Yes on the bear. No on the party.
Valentine's Day? Really? A day to celebrate love
with meaningless cheap candy and trinkets made in China?
Excuse me, the bear is made in Chile.
And it's a party. It'll be fun, we can make fun of people.
I do like making fun of people.
- What time should I pick you up? - I'll think about it.
[Calvin] Having an all-access pass to your boyfriend's life this soon kinda kills the magic.
It's like for straight guys when Megan Fox speaks.
Hmm-mmm.
Are we becoming one of those gay married couples
that host dinner parties and watch Bravo?
Alright. What's going on, Rus?
I've decided to find a date for Valentine's Day, I'm looking for a girl to ask out.
Now? It's in two days.
I've had years of Valentine's Day loneliness.
No. Look, the expectation will kill you.
It's bad enough I have to have my first out date party with Grant on Valentine's Day.
The last thing you want is to surround yourself with a bunch of people in love.
It's better than being alone.
Here goes.
Hi, you don't know me, but I'm Rusty.
- Hi, Rusty. Tabitha. - Nice to meet you, Tabitha.
Um, I hope I'm not being too forward,
but my fraternity's having this date party on Saturday...
You're asking me on a first date on Valentine's Day?
Well, I saw you...
I thought you were pretty...
And uh... This is for you.
"Lick my..." Oh, my God!
Perv.
My mom must've accidentally bought me the X-rated brand.
Or the box was meant for your dad.
Traumatic, either way.
[Ashleigh] Well, I gotta say, much points for the gift.
Well, I gotta say I'm excited to have you as my date.
Well, I'm excited to be had. As your date.
Hey, guys. [giggles]
So, Pete, the Omega Chi Date Party is this Saturday.
- Why haven't I heard from you? - Because I'm taking Ashleigh.
- But you said we were going. - You did?
We talked about that, when we dated last month.
But I assumed you understood we weren't going out on Valentine's Day after we broke up.
We broke up?
- This is how you tell me? - Yeah, I figured when I said,
"I think we should see other people,"
- that you got that. - Well, I do now, Pete,
because I don't date cheaters.
I can't believe she just called me a cheater.
Yeah. Neither can I.
[cell phones beeping]
Taken, married, incarcerated...
No. I'm sorry you can't make it. Good luck with the surgery.
A C-Section? How old are these phone numbers?
Well, hopefully older than nine months.
Have we gone through all the phones?
Except for Pickle's. He knows a lot of girls
from the 900 area code.
I should have listened to my professor,
who was smart enough to realize that Valentine's Day sucks.
I get it, Rus. There's a lot of expectations.
Like finding the perfect gift.
You think Casey would like a used cell phone?
You know what... Forget it.
Why should I care that I'm alone on February 14th?
Because society and the greeting card industry tell me not to be?
Are you saying that because you don't have a date?
I mean it. I'm over it. I'm over the hype.
I'm finally free.
[Casey] Hey, Rus.
- Hi. - Hey.
Ash told me about your problem,
and I think I found you a date for your party.
My friend Katherine is available,
and you were the first person I thought of.
So what do you say?
I think you're too late, because he just said...
No, I'm in. I love Valentine's Day.
- Yay! - What?
What's Katherine like? I'm not being judgmental, but...
Down, boy. You're going to find out.
Katherine wants to set up a pre-date tonight at Dobler's.
- A pre-date? - Don't worry.
Casey and I'll be there in case you screw up.
- Her words, not mine. - So, Katherine...
She was at Greek softball. She's tall, she's pretty.
- Oh, that's good. - Let me finish.
Stern. The word "Nordic" comes to mind.
I think I can handle that.
[scoffs] I hope she's easier than your sister.
Try pleasing her. Rewind.
Try finding the perfect gift for her.
Get her something from the heart.
It's just about the two of you.
Imagine Casey, imagine the perfect gift and then make it happen.
Nice. That's the Spitter I want to see at Dobler's tonight.
So... What does one wear to a KT Valentine's party?
Same thing you wear to any other party.
They're not cavemen. All of them.
Well, I can tell you what I wore
when I went with Cappie.
- Think tiny and wicked. - Seems like it would fit you.
So, why are you buying a dress?
I thought you were anti-Valentine's.
I agreed to go to Evan's date party.
He got me with his big puppy dog eyes.
- He does that. - [Ashleigh] Ugh.
Why am I even buying a dress?
My date's probably just another Fisher in worsted wool.
Don't let Natalie the angry inch spoil your next date with Pete.
But she totally got in my head.
It's like I'm dating Eddie Cibrian.
But am I LeAnn Rimes or his wife?
No. Natalie is a deceptive little trickster.
Need I remind you of the electric bill debacle?
You're probably still sensitive over Fisher.
- Because you made out with him? - What's your point?
You're right. Pete deserves a first chance.
Hey, Case, I bet you're getting lingerie for Valentine's Day.
OK, I get it. You guys used to date.
- Ha-ha. - No, look.
- Hi, Cap. - Hey! Case.
- Wha... Hey! - Hi.
Don't you love this place?
Nice try. Lingerie is more of a gift for you than for me.
What? It's for Beaver.
Because... Beaver likes to feel pretty.
And since you're not having to buy a gift for anybody,
maybe you shouldn't talk. 'Cause it's not easy
finding the perfect gift.
Oh, please. How hard could it be?
Well, let's find out. You versus me,
to see who can get the other the most romantic gift.
Unless you're too scared I'll outromanticize you or something.
The only thing I'm scared for is you.
- Game on. - If you think this is a game
you've already lost. See you tonight.
- Not if I see you first. - Oh!
[Casey laughs]
[knock at door]
- Oh... Porn site crash? - Uh... Worse, shopping.
I convinced Rebecca to come to our Valentine's party,
and now I want to show the girl who claims she doesn't believe in love
how much she means to me.
You're missing your trust fund.
You know, she's the first girl that doesn't make me feel
like I'm the evil guy that everyone else thinks I am.
She gets my background, and why we are the way we are.
She deserves something special.
Oh, uh, speaking of...
Ah, thanks, man. [clears throat]
- That's really sweet. - It's for Grant.
Can I stash it here until the party?
Uh, yeah. You can't hide it in your room?
[scoffs] The room where secrets go to die?
No. We see way too much as is.
I'm already worried that the brothers won't be OK with us out together at a date party.
I'd say that any problems they might have had,
you took care of at the softball game.
So the only problem now is Grant and I becoming boring.
Great.
Hopefully, that won't happen to you two.
I doubt it. Rebecca lives for surprises.
[rock music plays]
This is it. Success tonight means my first Valentine.
It's like I'm reliving first grade through you.
- [Cappie] Hey. - [giggles]
[Casey] Katherine,
this is my brother, Rusty.
- So excited to meet you. - Me too.
Would you guys stand back-to-back?
Just real quick. I just want to see something.
Anyway...
Rusty here was awarded an engineering grant.
Katherine is president of Panhellenic and, quite possibly, America one day.
- Wow. That's great. - Yes.
- Goals are great. - Mmm-hmm.
So Casey tells me you're studying Poli Sci.
I do, yes.
So... Why is Political Science called "Poli Sci,"
and Polymer Science isn't?
Because, politics isn't an actual science, right?
[laughs]
Or is it? I don't know. You tell me.
All I know is, that there are no beakers in politics...
Mmm.
So are you excited about Valentine's Day?
Yes.
Speaking of Valentine's Day,
Casey and I are battling to see who can get who the best gift.
Oh, and today I came up with some ideas that are gonna blow you away.
Good luck with those ideas, because I found you the perfect gift today.
- You did? - Mmm-hmm.
Seriously?
[Rusty] So, Casey tells me you're a Gamma Psi.
Do you like living in a house? I mean, did you?
Yes.
Your house was probably cleaner than ours.
Once, when I was a pledge,
I had to clean what I thought was a quarter-pound of hair
out of a shower drain, but it was just this rat...
Oh... [chuckles]
You guys really both like to study.
Maybe you could talk about that.
Yes.
Oh, no! It didn't go well?
It was the worst pairing since Drew Barrymore and directing.
I can officially kiss my friendship with Katherine goodbye.
You still have me.
We won't be at the same party this year.
- I know. - And...
...I lied to Cappie about getting him the perfect gift.
- [knock at door] - Hi.
I hope I'm not interrupting. Laura said, "Head on up, bitch."
[Ashleigh] No, that's fine.
I was just going to show off my new dress, anyway.
- It's eclectic. - Thank you.
I know what this is about...
Yes, we need to discuss this Rusty incident.
How could you possibly
imagine that we'd have anything in common?
I just thought...
Why did you think that we'd get along?
- I'm so, sorr... - Because we did.
He's so suave.
- Really? - Yes. And handsome.
Really? You don't have to be polite.
No. But, really, so...
Give me the deets. Does Rusty work out?
I think he did... once.
Listen to me, I'm prattling on like a schoolgirl. But I had so much fun.
- He did too, right? - How could he not? It's you.
So Valentine's Day is a go.
I'm being selfish, but I can't think of anything else but tonight
and the connection that we made.
I am so lucky to have a friend like you.
I am gonna go prepare. But I will call you about my wardrobe.
- Well... - [door closes]
[knock on door]
[Casey] Hello?
- What's all this? - Comfort food.
I've accepted my fate as Valentine's Day washout.
[Dale] Rus, did you get that non-stick food I asked for?
- Uh, Dale... - Sometimes Bridget
eats with her retainer in,
and kissing her is like eating lunch twice in one day.
Hey, Casey.
How long you been there?
Long enough to taste my lunch twice.
No, I was just goofin'.
We're not an item. Bridget's Catholic.
Well, good luck with that.
Oh, that reminds me... Uh, this is for you.
But don't read it in front of me.
How...
...could I?
So... Good news.
You can still have a date to the KT party if you want,
Katherine totally likes you.
- She thinks you're hot. - Really?
- That's what I said, too. - After Dobler's?
At least you'd have a Valentine this once,
excluding Mom.
At least Mom can hold a conversation.
I'd rather have no memories than bad ones
- with one-word-answer girl. - At least that word was "yes".
A lot of guys would be happy to hear that.
OK, look Rus, I'm trying to get back on her good side.
We had a falling out. Things got...
...heated. Please?
OK. For one month's free access to your car.
I get you a date and you blackmail me? Forget it.
Fine, then you date her.
OK, just pretend to like her. OK?
- [Natalie] Hey, Ash. - [Ashleigh] Oh!
Don't you have a little wheel you should be running in?
I'm sorry about the other day.
Pete hurt me really bad, and
I don't want to see you get hurt, too.
- That's what these boys do. - Why should I believe a girl
who hooked up with a theater major to win SongFest?
Just because we're in different houses doesn't mean we can't be sisters.
As president of the number one sorority,
I want you, president of the number two sorority, to know that we can be friends.
And we, at the number one sorority, want you,
the number two sorority, to know that I don't believe you.
Pete's called me every day for the past two weeks.
How do I know this is the real Pete
and not you assigning his name to another number?
[phone beeps] Natalie?
Hey, it's Pete. Look, sorry I've been calling you so...
Don't let him hurt you, too.
So this year, I dug deep down in my heart,
and made Casey three presents
for us to choose from that no one else could get her.
Prepare to be amazed.
- Oh... Nice. - Right?
I raised it from a young sapling,
which I think will show Casey my budding maturity.
- Now, when you say "buds"? - It's not that kind of plant.
Yeah, I don't get it. Next.
OK. [clears throat]
A God's Eye with ZBZ colors.
'Cause I appreciate her sorority allegiance.
- And I'm a big kid. Get it? - I'm just not feeling it, Cap.
I mean, I understand it, but it doesn't get me here.
OK. All right
A macaroni necklace.
I don't think you're supposed to cook the macaroni.
God, I must've missed that week at camp.
- May I? - Of course. Yeah, Bon appetit.
Great, the party's in an hour and I have squat.
And now I have to go get ready. Ugh!
It's good.
So, do you want to walk down together?
Uh, no. I'm going to get dressed in the bathroom.
What? Look...
I'm sorry if I've come off as a jerk lately, it's just...
No, things have been a little unromantic.
And I want to spice them up.
Evan may have mentioned your conversation to me.
I want a real date, special. Maybe a surprise?
Well, I can't wait to be surprised.
Good.
- You look amazing. - Uh-huh.
Thanks. Can I see your cell phone?
- Mine's dead. - Yeah. Sure.
[clears throat]
So, have you talked to Natalie lately?
Yeah. I've called her a bunch of times, actually.
A-ha! Wait, why?
'Cause she has my history textbook,
and she won't give it back.
Oh. Well, here's your cell phone back.
For you.
Evan.
It's, uh...
It's way too beautiful.
I feel like I'm gonna turn on the news and see some dead rich girl.
Nah, I dug the ditch pretty deep.
I had some money put away. It's no big deal.
This looks like a big deal.
Well, I saw it
and thought it'd look really good on you.
Let's try it, shall we?
There you go.
Thank you.
You guys are leaving now?
- Um, have fun. - You too, Case.
- Hey. - Oh, hey.
Want to exchange gifts now?
Uh... I think gifts are better left
- to the end of the evening. - Ah.
- If I can find her one by then. - [Rusty] Where is she?
- Let's get this over with. - Uh...
- Whoa... - No kidding.
Stop drooling, Rus.
- Hi. You look amazing. - You look very dapper yourself.
Moving on?
[rock music plays]
[Rusty] Looks like the pledges did me proud.
- I'm nervous. - Because we're at a KT party?
- No, because of Rusty. - Really?
You keep saying that.
- How spirited of them. - Jell-O shot?
Of love?
- OK. - Thank you.
Pickle. Who's your date?
I'd like you guys to meet Mrs. Joanne Fletcher.
How sweet, he brought his mom.
That's not his mom.
So... you want to shoot some arrows?
Yes.
I have to admit, I didn't think you'd want to go to a KT pty.
It didn't seem like you.
- No offense. - None taken.
I have to admit I didn't think I'd find a Gary Wyatt Grant winner at KT either.
- It was a little intimidating. - Really?
Is that why you kept giving me one-word answers at Dobler's?
It's the quickest way to get to know someone.
You just let them do all the talking.
And I liked what I heard.
- I was a Boy Scout. - [laughs]
Holy crap.
I made it to the Olympic trials when I was 11.
There aren't too many
overachieving Greeks like you here at CRU.
I guess I am somewhat of an amalgam.
Let me show you.
[rock music plays]
- Hey! - Happy, VD.
Hey. What's up?
I feel like I never see you anymore.
I know. You're all holed up with Grant all day.
- So, you guys good? - I think so.
We certainly see a lot of each other.
Sometimes too much. But we're working it out.
I get it. The perils of living under the same roof.
Of course, in my case it was because Fisher was
CRU's version of David Letterman.
[Grant] Hey, guys.
Oh, my God! You look hot.
Thanks, Ash. Cal? What do you think?
I think you look...
- ...spicy. - [Grant] Right?
I know it's not me, but I'm kinda diggin' it.
Could be more where this came from.
I'm gonna get us some drinks.
Stop it. I know what you're thinking.
This is like the same thing as Michael.
Michael would never wear that.
You asked for a surprise, and you got it.
So enjoy your spicy hot out-and-proud man.
Oh, God. It's Tinker-Hell.
- Hey, Pete. - Hey there.
Get me a drink.
She's after Pete.
She's like a little Valentine parasite.
Nice work, Tony Hopkins.
I stole it from the Lamda Sig house.
All right, here. Keep the change.
Well, you look confident.
Are you prepared to lose all control
and attempt to ravage my body right here on the dance floor?
Well, let's see what you got.
- [clears throat] Ta-da! - Seriously.
Well, it's tragedy plus time equals comedy.
It reminds us of our first time together.
And takes us back to younger, simpler days.
Yeah, and it takes us back to the time
you bought me vodka for Valentine's Day
and drank it and threw up. On me.
I left that part out earlier.
But... um... thanks for the vodka.
It's a callback. I get it, it's funny.
Gotcha!
[laughs] Actually, it's,
tragedy plus time plus you falling for it.
- Oh. - 'Cause vodka equals
- not my real gift. - So this is not your real gift?
- This? No! Hell no! - [man] Ow!
I will give you your real gift...
...later on.
Then I'll give you your gift later, too.
Great.
Hey, you two.
You can cut the crap, Nat. I know why Pete called you.
Oh! No, Ash. I just wanted to apologize.
I went too far at the Student Union,
and I'm truly, truly sorry. It's just, um...
The worst thing that ever has happened to me
happened on Valentine's Day. Oh, God. It was so horrible.
It was Valentine's Eve. I was nine years old.
Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work.
A couple hours went by. Dad still wasn't home.
So Mom called the office and no answer.
So the police began a search.
And four or five days later...
You tried to light a fire, and you noticed the smell,
the firemen came and they pulled out your dead dad.
- Blah, blah, blah... - Ash.
- Pete. - That story is from Gremlins.
The only reason you're telling it is because you are one.
So don't feed her after midnight or she'll turn uglier.
Ash... Whoa. Chill out.
Nat, why don't we go get you some water. OK?
Can I admit something?
This is my first Valentine's date ever.
It's mine, too.
I rarely date. Or go to parties.
I got into Yale Law School.
Oh, wow. You must be excited.
And terrified.
I've lived my whole life for the future at the expense of the present.
So now I have to fit the entire college experience into one semester.
And I want to be more than the geeky smart girl.
- Is that sad? - Why do you think I rushed KT?
I want to be more than the geeky smart girl, too.
I mean, guy.
I think Casey sometimes worries about it in the opposite direction.
That she waited too long to find something beyond ZBZ.
It's sweet of you to think of her.
And though I'll never admit it,
I think your sister's doing a fine job of catching up.
I guess we all have regrets.
I don't think I'll regret this.
I am so glad I changed my mind about a second date.
- What? - What.
Casey said that you had a great time on our first date.
Was she telling the truth?
Yeah.
- Well, I mean, sort of... - Clearly not.
So she convinced you how?
Did she express pity for me? Appeal to your sense of charity?
She belittle my chocolate fondue?
Because I could tell she thought it was lame.
Casey loves fondue. She really likes you, too.
But...
...you don't?
I do, and I'll prove it to you.
I'll tell her that I don't want, or need, her car.
She bribed you with her car?.
Am I that pathetic? And what are you?
Some brother-whore to be bought and traded like a commodity?
Casey, hi. Great!
Did you offer your car to Rusty
to date me so we could be friends?
Katherine, look. I thought...
I need to breathe. I need to think.
I wanted us to be friends because I respect and admire you.
- I just want you to be happy. - Me, too.
Forget about what brought us here.
Just think about what is going on now.
I'm thinking.
Why don't you just give me one reason why I should forgive you.
- [man] Heads up! - [screams]
Oh, my gosh!
Um, um, um, um...
[indistinct chattering over PA]
First a fire, now this. Katherine's gonna think we're trying to kill her.
Are you?
I'm the one she's going to hate.
Just when I think I kinda like her.
- Really? - [Cappie] Daley?
Dale? What are you doing here?
[Dale] Drama, Rus. Had to bring Bridget in.
There was a...
...accident. Involving her retainer.
She's gonna be fine, but I'm gonna need some stitches.
Oh, thank God! Katherine, you're OK!
"Tis only a flesh wound."
Monty Python. That's funny.
"We are the Knights who say, 'Ni'."
[woman] I've got you on strong pain killers.
A good thing the arrow was blunt-tipped
or you'd be spending Valentine's Day in the morgue.
Just like the real Valentine.
I bet you'll never forget the first time
you were struck by Cupid's arrow.
[Rusty] Actually it was Pickle's.
- He said he was sorry. - [Katherine] Casey...
...you went to all this trouble to be friends with me?
No one's ever done anything like that for me before.
So, thank you.
- Ni. - I'll walk her home.
Uh, yeah...
[Cappie] Well, that's probably
the strangest injury you've had all night, right?
Not really.
[rock music plays]
You OK?
I can't find my boyfriend. Have you seen him?
Ha-ha. What's your problem? He's freakin' beautiful.
Oh, I know. I just prefer my men handsome.
What's the difference? When I came out that one week
I totally wanted to listen to Indigo Girls and wear no makeup.
Grant's experimenting with the lifestyle.
- Big whoop. It's natural. - So I'm overreacting?
You are a pretty uptight gay.
Lighten up. If you want it to work,
it's something you're gonna have to do.
Or I could just buy him a really fancy necklace.
- Is that from Evan? - I've decided I like it.
It's a keepsake I can keep forever.
I think that was his idea.
Really? He said that?
Well, more or less.
He says that you get him more than anyone else.
I think he sees a future with you.
- I pe it works out. - Uh-huh.
I'm gonna go get some air.
Pete, can I talk to you for a second? Alone?
What? I'm not doing anything.
- Except hurting inside. - She's really upset, Ash.
Seriously? How are you buying this whole martyr act?
I'm the good one. She's LeAnn Rimes.
She burned down my house.
Yeah, Ashleigh didn't think we deserved to win SongFest,
so she snuck in and set it on fire.
Nat, that's just crazy.
- What? - What? I mean...
Yeah, that is a total lie, Natalie.
Kinda like the one where you said that we paid for your electric bill last semester.
Yeah, everyone, that is a lie, too.
[Natalie] No. That's the truth.
You know it, Ashleigh, tell them!
- Nat, whoa. - [Ashleigh] What?
- That you're crazy? - You're lying.
You're all lying. I know what I'm talking about.
I'm not crazy, damn it.
Could someone walk her home so she doesn't hurt herself?
C'mon, Natalie, I'll walk you home.
Hands off me, Carrot-top.
[man] Ha-ha! Carrot-top! That is harsh.
Good luck with that, dude!
Sorry I didn't believe that Nat's crazy.
It's just that when she called me a cheater
I felt bad, and it kinda hurt
that you didn't trust me, either.
I just didn't want to be hurt by you.
How about we promise not to hurt each other?
I'm good with that.
So...
.where were we?
Right here.
[sighs]
[slow rock plays]
I thought you bailed.
I was here, doing this. Surprise.
You are just full of surprises.
So is the ensemble too much?
I once dumped a guy for being too foofy.
- OK, too much. - No wait. I'm not done.
I don't want to be an uptight gay.
All right?
[sighs] I want to be as brave as you.
Maybe explore a little.
With you.
âª It's the only thing âª
- âª That keeps me on my feet âª - [knock at door]
[Evan] Oops.
Sorry. [clears throat] Have you seen Rebecca?
Yeah, she said that she was gonna get some air.
OK, um... Carry on.
[door closes]
âª Again âª
- Angie. This is Rusty. - Hi.
Your skin is so soft.
[both chuckle uncomfortably]
God, I am so sorry you were struck by an arrow.
That's what I get for dating a bad boy.
[sighs] I don't know if you've noticed,
but sometimes I'm socially awkward,
and I don't really know what to do
- or to say... - I haven't noticed.
Well, I'm sorry that I wasn't much of a Valentine.
Well, that was the least suckiest Valentine's Day I've ever had.
Me too.
OK. Thank you.
[slow rock music plays]
- Rebecca. Hey. - Hi, Beaver.
Beav...
Wait up.
- How about we go upstairs? - What's upstairs?
Your room.
I know that. But why you wanna go...
Oh, my God.
Yeah, they turn off the Slushee machines at midnight.
Actually, I was thinking we could exchange our gifts.
- Here? - No better time than the present.
Present. Get it?
- OK. Me first. - OK.
"Look up."
[chuckles]
Just what I always wanted.
You were so right.
It's really hard to buy a gift.
And I totally cracked under the pressure.
You are off the hook from this day forward.
Well, that's good.
Because I don't think I could top what I did this year.
Bringing me to the Quickie Mart?
It's not just any Quickie Mart.
You and I came here once freshman year for snacks.
I thought it looked familiar.
You were buying all this food, and I was wondering
if you got high when I wasn't looking.
And when I asked you about it, you said:
"I want to stock the fridge in your room,"
because you knew I was lazy about going to the cafeteria,
and you didn't want me to go hungry.
Um... Do you want food?
And you were at the register, paying.
And you tucked your hair behind your ear,
looked back at me and just...
...smiled.
Case...
This is where I first realized that I loved you.
And I've loved you every day since.
Oh, Cap...
- Oh, my God. - That's my gift.
Oh, my God. It's perfect.
So, I um...
I guess I kinda won?
Yeah, you so won. [laughing]
[Cappie] Yes!
Suck it, Valentine's Day!
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